Wordy & Woebegone Wednesday; Two Years Ago Today I Lost My Theodore
Please send prayers out for us today as we are mourning; the two year-anniversary of our loss of Theodore is today, February 8th. I remember typing this post six months after he passed – my grief hasn’t improved TOO TOO much…. I remember that first post – it got 85 comments.
I remember that Monday morning like it was yesterday; I’m so sad just typing this that my fingers are shaking, my hands are unsteady and tears are pouring over my prized Pavilion keypad.
I miss Theodore and STILL don’t understand how I haven’t EVER grieved for anyone or anything like I do and have for him.
It just doesn’t make any sense to me.
Is it because he was the first thing I considered REALLY mine? The first thing/being that I raised, owned, bought (adopted), loved and taught? (Not like a first car or anything like that – almost like a human connection…?)
Am I NUTS or what?
Some of you might call me crazy for saying this; I think the Kitty Gods sent Mad Maxwell down to me to take Theodore’s place.
Max – especially over the last few months – has become SO MUCH like Dora that it’s downright uncanny. He sleeps in the same exact spots, he races me up the stairway at night in the same manner and launches himself from the foyer with the same precision that only a Jaguar has…
Max also eats and treasures his crunchies and special upstairs (bedroom) crunchy-drawer like Theodore did. (Maybe a rescue cat always will eat like he’s starved…) Max even has the same personality elements – the silliness, the goofball demeanor, the blinky eyes when he’s tired or wants pets, the “I’m going to pretend to ignore you when I want attention” ‘tude.
Yes, I realize many cats have these traits – but Theodore took them “to a T,” no pun intended.
So is this the way that I have raised Max?
Or is it a Higher Power working so that I won’t be so sad in missing Doree (his nickname, which he despised because he told me that’s a girl name…)?
Have you ever lost an animal and then felt like God (or Whom or Whatever you Believe In) sent you something else or someone to replace him/her? I’m not just talking cats here – I’m talking dogs, horses, beloved friends, treasured fiancées, etc.
*** The reason I have the Live Strong graphics up is because Theodore died – like so many cats and dogs – of cancer. Theodore had some type of andeocarcinoma, a very rare type of cancer. The vet did not remove all of it when he took the tumor and gall bladder out during the first surgery – as they cannot remove a cat’s entire bile duct. ***
Theodore tried SO HARD to pull through but he just couldn’t make it. I found him that Monday morning lying on my bedroom’s bathroom floor like a TRUE TOUGH-ASS TABBY, a FIGHTER FIRST-CLASS… He was hiding behind the toilet… As many of you know, when cats are really ill or feeling really bad, they hide instead of trying to let you know. They purr to try to comfort themselves. Sometimes, as in Dora’s case, this is a small, unrewarded effort to turn it around, but at least their little motors keep them going. That’s what I tell myself.
I can’t type anymore because I am crying so hard.
I love you Theodore and you will never be forgotten; you will always be missed greatly.
(And to Gibson (Gibby) – who passed just four days later from cancer – we will talk to you Sunday.)