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Life Without Fish: Getting Through Pet Loss
Since I have been so ill lately, my friends have kindly volunteered to write some posts for me. This is the first in a series, and its written by Denton Fowler from PetWellBeing.com.
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Losing your pet is never easy, whether you’ve had them for a couple of months or a couple of years. The impact can easily be compared to the loss of a child, even if people without pets probably can’t relate. The grief can hit us in many different ways.
I share with you the story of Fish, a puppy mill rescue who changed the lives of my family. And although he blessed us with just 11 short months of joy, he will be forever remembered by everyone he came in contact with.
We lost Fish in early November, but we are reminded daily of the impact he had on our daily life. His hair is STILL everywhere, no matter how often we vacuum. His cage sits empty in the garage because selling it would be like saying aloud that he is really gone. His favorite chew toys lie scattered about the cage, covering the polished water bowl I know is there somewhere.
Fish was a German Shepherd mutt, mixed with a bit of this and a bit of that. He was rescued from a puppy-mill by the SPCA and then adopted by my kids and I when he was just 3 months old. Fish was the bundle of energy that caught our eye. His body had scars from his ordeal, but we saw past them. It was love at first sight.
He wasn’t the best trained dog but he knew his basic commands. Unless, of course, there was another dog around. We were still working on that part. Fish was a favorite at the dog park because he would play with any dog there. He could rough house with the best and give as good as he got. Or he would crawl on his stomach to let the smaller dogs climb all over him. He just wanted to play. With dogs or with people, he just wanted someone to play with him.
Guilt was the biggest emotion I felt when he died. And it’s not because of the way Fish died, because he died doing what he loved best. We were down at the river down a gravel road just where the huge power lines cross over. No one ever came there and he would chase after the ducks and squirrels to his heart’s content. But he saw a dog in the distance and took off. Anyway, when a running dog, a blind corner and a utility truck meet, the dog doesn’t win out…
By the time the kids came home from school, I had already done the whole woulda-shoulda-coulda thing in my mind. If I had left 2 minutes sooner. Or got just one more red light. Or thrown a stick for him to chase. Or worked harder on his commands around other dogs. Maybe, just maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
It took my daughter to drag me out of that mood that night when she started doing it herself. She lamented that if she hadn’t missed her bus, I wouldn’t have gone down to the river after driving her to school, and Fish would still be alive. It was all her fault.
To make her feel better, I gave her the list of all my could-haves to show her that it wasn’t the cause of one particular person or event. I mean, what if had been raining? I certainly wouldn’t have been there. You just can’t blame the weather for your pet dying.
I think that clarified things in her mind and my own. It wasn’t her fault any more than is was mine. It doesn’t make Fish’s absence any easier, it just reduces a certain amount of self-guilt that makes you point the finger at yourself.
Now, when we find more of his hair on our blankets or clothes, there’s just this longing for something that was. And memories of what we had.
Denton Fowler wrote this article for PetWellbeing.com which offers prevention and treatment products for cancer in cats and Cushings Disease in dogs.
Thanks for sharing that -
It has been THAT kind of month among the DWB/CWB -
So we all know the feelings -
We hope you’ll be feeling better SOON!
Tears in my eyes. Makes you realize how much you love your dog(s) even when they’re not behaving, not doing what you want them to. And how you’d give anything to get them back if they were ever taken from you. Think I’ll go hug both of my boys now.
I am so sorry for your loss. I stumbled on your site while searching how to cope with the loss of a pet. Our Huney Bun (mixed breed dog) was recently diagnosed with canine lupus. Bad BAD stuff! We know the outcome, yet I try to deny it every day. Thank you for your insight on the guilt…I feel it already. We will enjoy her until she lets us know when it’s time.
Thank you for your heartfelt comments. They are much appreciated. It has been over a month but the feelings are still there.
When I read the post here on Jaime’s blog, I realized that it was missing a picture. I now find how few pictures I have of Fish. There are plenty of him as a young puppy from those first few days. And then so few after.
So one more comment. Take pictures of your dog! You cannot have enough pictures. Lots and lots of pictures…
This was so sad:( and unfortunately its a road most of us have been down before…. your poor daughter.
thanks for the heartfelt feelings on pet loss, you describe it in a way thats truly honest and heartfelt.
Great post. I recently lost a dog and stumbled on this while looking for other people who have lost dogs. It made me teary… he truly was a best friend and irreplaceable.
Thanks for this great post, I dont feel so alone now.
My little 14 year old Miniature Schnauzer has been dead for 12 1/2 months, and I still cry over her when I think about her. I’m not sure I will ever really get over losing her.
Thank you for posting this.