I feel so lonely today even though I’m surrounded by my parents and family…
"Dora-Dear" the Cuddler
but what/who I don’t have is my precious baby Theodore, my very first rescue pet cat. His fun-filled feline life ended 6 months ago today, after finding out he had cancer about 8 days before. He suffered through two surgeries but the cancer spread throughout his bile duct and you cannot remove the entire bile duct from a cat’s body.
I was an absolute wreck that day – I remember it like it was yesterday. I cried and sobbed over his limp and lifeless body on the exam table, screaming & pleading for God to tell me why he took my best friend of 11.5 years. I actually stopped praying for a good 4 months and – as much as I hate admitting this – I blamed God or whatever Higher Being there is out there watching over us for taking away the thing that was most precious to me (besides my Mother)thus far in life (as a 30-yr-old single gal who is shy, selfless and giving, will only date a man who loves cats and dogs and is “an overall animal-person”)…
Loved to play coy & pretend he couldn't hear me....!
There’s really nothing anyone can say to make the pain of pet loss go away. It just takes time to heal and go through the stages of grief. Reading the pet loss poems on my blog and other inspiring stories help a bit, and journaling does too.
My Mom tried to cheer me up & actually had me hysterical laughing with memories of him running mad circles around the downstairs of the house….or how he would drag his 2.5-foot-long dangler toy upstairs to my bedroom in the middle of the night… and how he used to run so fast he looked like he was a furiously hovering ball of tabby fur when I would call for him outside. Eventually I was in tears and laughing at the same time – living an oxymoron — laughter/happiness with grief/sadness.
I made a little memorial today for Theodore the rescue cat (aka “Pork-a-Dore” b/c he was a fat old tabby!) with candles, pictures and his paw print and tuft of fur the vet sent me with his ashes.
Theodore – I LOVE you and I MISS YOU TERRIBLY. Sometimes I wish I
My Main Man LOVED His Scratching Post & Cat Nip Toys
could be in Heaven with you. But I can’t and I have to move on. You should know that in my 30 years I have NEVER GRIEVED LIKE I DID (and still am) FOR YOU. I’m still not used to you not hogging the end of the bed and me not moving because I don’t want to disturb you. I’m still not used to you not being at the treat cabinet and opening it with your paws to hint that you want crunchies. And I’m still not used to the gaping hole left in my heart, soul and self that only you could fill. You are the most precious thing I have ever had the privilege of having and I will always remember your human-like demeanor, how you comforted me through some of the roughest times a person could face, your undying loyalty and love for me, and how you would let me hold and hug and kiss you for hours… Purring all the while…
This is a pet loss poem I found here:
LIVING LOVE
If you ever love an animal, there are three days in your life you will always remember…
The first is a day, blessed with happiness, when you bring home your young new friend. You may have spent weeks deciding on a breed. You may have asked numerous opinions of many vets, or done long research in finding a breeder.
Or, perhaps in a fleeting moment, you may have just chosen that silly looking animal in a shelter – simply because something in its eyes reached your heart. But when you bring that chosen pet home, and watch it explore, and claim its special place in your hall or front room – and when you feel it brush against you for the first time – it instills a feeling of pure love you will carry with you through the many years to come.
Cat Blogosphere's Heartfelt Pet Photo Gift
The second day will occur eight or nine or ten years later. It will be a day like any other. Routine and unexceptional. But, for a surprising instant, you will look at your longtime friend and see age where you once saw youth. You will see slow deliberate steps where you once saw energy. And you will see sleep where you once saw activity. So you will begin to adjust your friend’s diet – and you may add a pill or two to her food. And you may feel a growing fear deep within yourself, which bodes of a coming emptiness. And you will feel this uneasy feeling, on and off, until the third day finally arrives.
And on this day, if your friend and God have not decided for you, you will be faced with making a decision of your own – on behalf of your lifelong friend, and with the guidance of your own deepest Spirit. But whichever way your friend eventually leaves you, you will feel as alone as a single star in the dark night.
If you are wise, you will let the tears flow as freely and as often as they must. And if you are typical, you will find that not many in your circle of family or friends will be able to understand your grief, or comfort you.
But if you are true to the love of the pet you cherished through the many joy-filled years, you may find that a soul – a bit smaller in size than your own – seems to walk with you, at times, during the lonely days to come. And at moments when you least expect anything out of the ordinary to happen, you may feel something brush against your leg – very very lightly. And looking down at the place where your dear, perhaps dearest, friend used to lay – you will remember those three significant days.
The memory will most likely be painful, and leave an ache in your heart. As time passes the ache will come and go as it has a life of its own. You will both reject it and embrace it, and it may confuse you. If you reject it, it will depress you. If you embrace it, it will deepen you. Either way, it will still be an ache.
But there will be, I assure you, a fourth day when – along with the memory of your pet, and piercing through the heaviness in your heart – there will come a realization that belongs only to you. It will be as unique and strong as our relationship with each animal we have loved, and lost. This realization
My Green-Eyed "Little Man"
takes the form of a Living Love – like the heavenly scent of a rose that remains after the petals have wilted, this Love will remain and grow – and be there for us to remember.
It is a love we have earned. It is the legacy our pets leave us when they go. And it is a gift we may keep with us as long as we live. It is a Love which is ours alone. And until we ourselves leave, perhaps to join our Beloved Pets – it is a Love that we will always possess.
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